It was a rough night. My hunch was right: my then-boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend) was cheating on me.
Let’s call him Andy. For quite some time, I had an uncomfortable feeling about our relationship. At first, I thought he lied to me about small things so I let it go. I wasn’t quite sure whether it was fear or love that kept me holding on, but I did anyway. That went on for some time–until the night I knew it for a fact that he cheated on me.
That night was exceptionally exhausting for both of us. We fought. He apologized. And then we fought again.
I went home crying and called girlfriend-emergency to try to feel better, and they offered their help as best as they could. My girlfriends kept on bashing Andy – because he cheated. They reminded me why I shouldn’t have been with him and should never be with him.
Days afterward were the most difficult.
That’s the thing about breakups. The feeling of lonely and betrayed all mixed up in the following days. But that certainly did not compare to the feeling of self-incompetency. There were days when I questioned and blamed me for the things that happened.
‘How did we get here?’
‘Is this my fault?’
‘I should’ve treated him better.’
After some healing period, the rest is history. Now that I am married, I still heard a lot of sisters out there pouring their hearts out because of being treated badly, cheated on and lied to. Some of you might be experiencing heartbreaks right now. But I hope you’d believe me when I say: I understand the pain, and you’ll get through this – just like I got through it.
I don’t want to belittle your feelings right now by saying that there are much bigger issues happening in this world and heartbreaks are not one of them. No, because I understand how it can hurt like there’s no tomorrow.
But I want to assure you that there is tomorrow. In putting myself back together, I relied so much on my friends and family. Slowly but surely, I tried to put my perspective from a higher point of view: God’s. I believe that every single person we intersected with showed up in our lives for a reason. Had I not dated Andy, I would still be looking for a guy with all the wrong reasons and criteria. I would never learn how to forgive and heal myself enough to appreciate the right man when he came along – a man who is now my partner, Kalvin.
To my dear sisters who are in pain, I invite you to open up to the idea that the pain you are experiencing right now is only temporary. I hope you can have the opportunity turn this heartbreak into heart growth and look under the surface of your pain.
When you are turning your grief into gratitude, you will experience a shift in your life. You will move through your pain, heal your heart, and one day, you can look back and be grateful that it actually happened in your life.