Just like other couples, Kalvin and I are two different people. Different hobbies. Different personality. Different passion.
I wouldn’t romanticise it by saying that those differences drive us closer together as a couple. On one side, if we think about it very carefully, yes they do – but not in Noah and Ally (you remember The Notebook?) kind of love. I also wouldn’t say that those differences subside over the time. Again, on one side, if we think about it very carefully and in much slower pace, yes they do subside over the time. But again, not in Hollywood-soulmate kind of love.
Going into our story, the biggest difference between Kalvin and I is our passion in life. My passion is in fashion. Kalvin’s passion is in business and culinary. I am all about aesthetics. He couldn’t care less. He is all about logic and numbers. I couldn’t stand too much logic and numbers.
I hope this story ends where I can say how we eventually understand each other’s world and our passion collide. But it doesn’t. Up until now, we haven’t get each other’s world and our passion rarely collide – but that is perfectly fine.
You see, the time we started our relationship, we went through troubles trying to change each other. I wanted him to understand fashion (and why we ladies spend so much money on fashion). He wanted me to understand business and numbers (and why he’d spend so many hours working on the computer). However, the harder we tried to plough into each other’s world, the more frustrated we got. The more frustrated we got, the more our relationship went spiralling down. Things went much worse.
Eventually we understand that being together as a couple doesn’t mean we have to merge each other’s world together all the time. We learned that the healthiest couple consist of two people with their own well-built, blissful world – that come together and celebrate life as one. We support each other to pursue each others’ passion. But supporting each other doesn’t mean we have to understand what each other do like exactly how and why; we simply have to understand that this is important for each other, so we encourage each other daily, with our presence through each other’s ups and downs, and bring it up to our prayers.
To close, let me share you our favourite quotes from Beau Taplin:
“A healthy relationship isn’t living vicariously through one another. True love isn’t someone being there at your side every moment of every day, but being free, and encouraged, to pursue your own passions, and then sharing in the spoils of your triumphs together.”
Join the conversation
It’s such a wonderful little thing you’ve written here. A question, what was it that brought you and Kalvin back from spiralling down at the beginning of your relationship? And how did you know it was worth saving at the time?
Wishing you a smooth sailing wedding preparation and married life :*
Thank you for your feedback. Regarding your question: One of the main reasons why relationships tend to spiral down and fail to bounce back is because each individual feels the need to control each other. Realising this make a whole new peace for both Kalvin and me. At the end of the day, we realise that allowing each other to become the person he/she is meant to be is more important, compared to forcing two worlds to collide.
And this is a two-way street; which means to make it work, both Kalvin and I should fully understand this. How did we know it was worth saving at the time? One rule applied to every relationship: If you have to work alone and your partner doesn’t even bother to try, it is not worth saving.
Hope this helps, JJ!
Thanks for your wishes!
Hi olivia, when ur relationship went worse, how did u guys decide to learn that best relationship is not to understand but to support? And have one of you guys ever gave up first and at the end came back with it?
Hi Jc, I think for any relationships, supporting each other should be put as a priority more than understanding each other. It doesn’t mean that to understand holds less value, it means that supports should be put over understandings. Because if we force ourselves to understand someone, or if we force someone to understand us, it means we are trying to control each other – and trying to control people will only lead you to disappointment and frustration. As we learn this along the way (with the best support systems from our surroundings), eventually we bounced back.
Fortunately for us, we didn’t reach any point of giving up. Rather, we continuously learn from each mistakes and communicate any frustration.
I hope everything goes well for you, Jc.
Well-said Olivia. I hope I could apply it on our relationship. I am having a unknown problem on our relationship and your post answered it. I am trying to understand my boyfriend but to th epoint that I am almost controlling all his actions which only lead you to disappointment and frustration. Thankyou so much. Now, I know how to accept our differences.
Glad I could help, Dyna! All the best to you and your relationship
I’ve been following you on Insta for some time, but this is actually the first time I’ve read about your #111love story.
And honestly, this post really inspires me.
I used to think that you have to connect to this person to really loves him or something, that if we have too many difference, it just won’t work out. And with that mindset hardwired on my brain, I’ve probably tear my own relationship down with my own doings, more often than not.
I used to have this thinking that if my man didn’t try to understand what I love and what I’m passionate abour, it’s just a no-no. And because I don’t like to be treated that way, I would try to understand what he loves doing (Which I don’t–couldn’t–understand, at all).
But anyway, this post really inspires me because as you said, not really understanding our gaping differences is fine, and what we have to do is just support the thing that matters for the one that matters to us.
Thanks for the beautiful post.
Glad you love the article! 🙂