September 23, 2018

The most common questions I got whenever I talk about my marriage or relationship with Kalvin is: how do I know he is ‘The One’?

I have been married for almost two years now – and the truth is, I still don’t know if Kalvin is ‘The One’, but to be more exact: I don’t believe in ‘The One’.

Sure, there are some people who are more compatible with us than the others – but I don’t register the notion of ‘The One’ as of a simple truth:

The idea of ‘The One’ makes people lazy.

Some people are positive in the belief that there is one perfect person for them, that would accept them for who they are. Now, make no mistake. I love love stories and the idea of two people finding each other at the perfect time and place. However, if we talk about ‘The One’, then we are leaving everything to fate’s hands.

So when we come to that conclusion that there is no such thing as ‘The One’, then we could see it two ways: bad news and good news. It is a bad news if you believe that someone out there is destined to fit you emotionally, personally and physically and to make you madly fall in love with his or her charm.

On the other hand, it is a good news because it means that we could work on the relationship – and although there is no one perfect, the chances to find someone who is pretty decent, can be a bit annoying at times, but is smart and loves Games of Thrones, are much higher.

This by no means would advise people to settle – but this is to acknowledge that relationship requires work and compromise.

Instead of believing in the ‘Happily Ever After’ weddings, I am more inclined to believe that no matter how compatible we are at the beginning of the relationship with someone, if we don’t work hard for it, it would fade and eventually, we’d be disappointed.


When Kalvin and I prepared for our wedding, we understood that life is not a fairytale. That was why we focused more on building our relationship strong (by attending pre-marital classes and discuss the most important points of our relationship). And even so, I still have to admit that marriage gives more lessons than what we could prepare ourselves beforehand.

But personally, I’m so glad we did it. From the minute we understood that our relationship needs nurture as much as we nurture our own children, we respect each other more. Surely there are good days and bad days, but we have accepted that both of us are not perfect and marriage is not about finding our fairytale.

Marriage is about creating our own kind of fairytale. I believe that there is no such thing as ‘The One’, but with an open heart and positive attitude, we’ll create our own version of happy ever after.

So for single ladies out there, my advice is that first, to understand that Prince Charming who would make you happy all the time does not exist (happiness lies within ourselves, but this is for another discussion). A happy relationship too, does not fall on your lap just like magic. We have to work on it.

But the good news is, losing the guy you thought was ‘The One’ does not mean you’ll be on your own for the rest of your life. It only means you are going to move forward and soon you’ll broaden your horizon, meet tons of amazing people, and one day, you will create your own happiness.

For couples, remember that your partner is not a possession. He or she has feelings, and the best way to make the relationship works is to have a seamless communication and understanding – so one day, you’d wake up and find that marrying the guy or the girl beside you is the best decision you have ever made.